“Never, ever, ever date your coworkers!” This is the phrase we’ve all had drilled into our heads by parents, mentors, bosses, and HR departments (especially HR departments). And this rule made sense for in-office spaces if you wanted a drama-free work environment, but does being remote change the game? As remote workers, we don’t physically share the same space with people, we don’t need to have 1:1 conversations unless they are work-related meetings, and we can carry on without actually seeing someone for weeks, sometimes even years.
If your remote coworker is really fun, kind, smart, and extremely hot, you might be tempted to bend the “no-dating-a-coworker” rule just a bit (as we all would). And I will say, I do believe remote work has changed the game for dating a coworker, but you do need to proceed with caution and keep a few important factors in mind, which is what we’ll cover in this post!
Quick-Glance Summary
- Read the HR policies or handbooks yourself, never ask someone else to
- Remain professional during work hours and only date off the clock
- Ensure you can work professionally even if it doesn’t work out
- Avoid over-publicizing as much as possible to reduce workplace drama
- Date a same-level coworker, not a superior or subordinate
- Enjoy the benefits of your remote lifestyles together!
Check the HR Policies Yourself (Don’t Ask Someone About It)!
Before you even start daydreaming about dating your remote coworker, always check your company’s HR policy and company handbook to ensure they aren’t against it. (Pro tip: They are usually in your HR app, the same place you see your virtual paystub and request PTO). The nice part of being remote is that many HR departments don’t need to include sections about coworker behavior in the workplace since everyone is remote anyways, and they don’t need to prevent any onsite issues.
The most important part of this tip is to check the HR policies yourself without asking others about it. Some people might discourage dating a coworker even if it’s not against any company policies or rules, so it’s best to keep the fact that you’re dating to yourself for a bit, especially in the beginning stages of the relationship. Now, I’m not saying you should be deceitful, but keeping your personal life (aka – your dating life) separate from your professional life (aka – your work life) is always a good idea for your career.
Keep Work Time Professional and Date Off the Clock
To sum up this tip in one sentence: Keep your work time professional and keep your personal time or activities (the dating part) off the clock. Now, this doesn’t mean that you can’t go to lunch together, have a quick chat on your coffeebreaks, or hang out at a remote coworking space, but just keep it professional when you’re at work and continue to treat this person as you would any other coworker.
Ensure You Can Still Work Professionally Together Even If It Doesn’t Work Out
Personally, I think this is the reason why so many people are against workplace romances. If a relationship doesn’t work out, sometimes people struggle with working professionally together and being in the same office. Totally understandable; no one wants to be stuck in the same room with their ex while they are trying to be productive.
That’s where the beauty of remote work comes in. As a remote professional, you won’t see your coworker at the office, you don’t need to occupy the same physical space, and you can only talk with them when you collaborate on a project or need a file sent over. Pretty great, right? This is one of the main reasons why I say remote work changes the dating game. As long as you are both able to work professionally on your laptops and don’t mix personal time with professional time, you should be good to go!
Avoid Over-Publicizing to Reduce Workplace Drama
Again, while you don’t need to hide your office romance if you followed the first tip of this guide, it’s probably not a good idea to talk about it while you’re on the clock. That’s mixing personal with professional, and do you really want your coworkers sticking their noses in your business? Your personal business and dating life is your own, and remote work makes that boundary even easier to uphold. Tell your besties off the clock, not your nosy coworker Deborah (or Jack, or Bella, or whoever it is. You get the point).
Date a Same-Level Coworker, not a Superior or a Subordinate
Along with the “never-date-your-coworker” rule, we often receive the “never-date-a-superior” talk as well. While remote work might change the game for dating a coworker, I don’t believe it changes this rule. Dating a superior (or subordinate) can get extremely messy for both the coworkers themselves and the company, even if the coworkers are remote. The last thing you want is someone accusing you or your partner of favoritism, and then you’re off to the races with lawsuits and legal processes and all sorts of not-fun activities with your company.
If you and this person absolutely want to be together, it’s best to achieve the same level at the company you work for or one person might consider employment elsewhere to avoid any conflicts.
Enjoy Your Remote Lifestyles Together!
Remote worker + remote worker = match made in heaven! You are both able to work from your homes, coffee shops, libraries, exotic locations, or wherever you want, and you get to share those experiences together! You’ll be able to relate to each other’s remote lifestyles, laugh over the same remote work memes, and share content that will make your remote lifestyles even better (ahem, such as this blog. Had to add that shameless plug).
The Consensus for Dating Your Remote Coworkers: Yay or Nay?
If you are remote coworkers and you’re able to check off each of the tips above, then it might be time to go for it! Be kind, be honest, be professional at work, and respect your person as both a coworker and a partner, and you’ll be just fine! I know my answer might be controversial, and keep in mind that each person and situation is different, but I do believe remote work has shifted the dating-your-coworkers rule for many of us. If you have any other tips or guidance on this, feel free to add it to the comment box below for myself and our community!
FAQs
Yes, you can legally date a coworker (especially if they are remote). Dating a coworker is normally not illegal, but it can be restricted or prohibited by your company, which is why you should always check your company’s HR policies and handbook.
For remote professionals, it’s best to keep your personal business, such as your dating life, private. The exception to this rule is if your company’s policy or HR handbook requires you to tell your boss. While the decision to tell your boss is up to you, keep in mind that your personal and dating lives are private, and what you do off the clock isn’t your boss’s business.
While it is possible to get fired for dating your coworker, it generally only happens if you violate company or HR policy, don’t act professional on the clock, or date a superior or subordinate. However, as long as you follow company policy, keep your personal and professional lives separate, are dating a same-level coworker, and continue to perform well at work, there’s really no reason for a company to worry about legal repercussions or job performance, which are the main reasons behind firing dating coworkers.